Friday, April 10, 2009

Over the Throg's Neck and Through the Hood to Grandmother's House I Go

Unemployment - Day 69 in Business Days; Day 95 in Human Days

It's been 7 hours and 95 days...since they took my job away.

The rent in my lovely Brooklyn apartment that I adored was $1500 a month.  With no paychecks coming in since January, in March I had to make the tough decision to give up my apartment and stay with family for a bit.  And so I put everything I own (with the exception of two suitcases) into storage and made my way over the Throg's Neck and through the hood to Grandmother's house in the Bronx.  For anyone else who is unemployed, trying to save money, and moving, I highly recommend that you avoid hitting your dad's car with a U-Haul truck on moving day.  I also recommend that you don't leave your MacBook in the cab of the truck and then return the truck after business hours, only to realize later that night that your laptop is missing.  

When living out of two suitcases at your grandma's house, it can be tough to choose what to bring with you and what should stay in storage until your life stops sucking so hard.  Here's how I handled this conundrum...

Top 5 Things You Leave off the packing List:
  1. Condoms - Somehow I don't think I can bring myself to utter the words, "Hey sexy, how about you hop on the express bus to Throg's Neck with me and come back to my grandma's house for some hot booty moth ball action.  Grandma'll make us a nice frittata in the morning."  Shudder. 
  2. Any shoe with a heel over 1 inch - The walk from the bus stop to grandma's house is half a mile.  Unpaved.  Uphill.  Both ways.  
  3. Tofu - Or any other food product that will confuse the crap out of grandma.  When grandma found my tofu in the fridge, I spent an hour trying to explain to her what it is. She has Alzheimer's, so I have to tell her what tofu is about 5 times a day.  
  4. Handcuffs - The headboard in the guest room probably dates back to the old country. Additionally, see #1.
  5. Strobe Light - Or anything else that might induce a seizure.
Top 5 Things You Do Pack
  1. A copy of A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf - To serve as a daily reminder of why you are living at grandma's in the Bronx instead of sleeping in your best friend's living room between the turtle aquarium (equipped with turtle that enjoys doing backflips at 2am) and the coffee grinder that's programmed to automatically grind every morning at 6:00 am.
  2. Tank tops, shorts, flip flops, ice packs - Grandma likes to keep the thermostat at a healthy 78 degrees. 
  3. Wifi Router - Grandma heard of the internet once and thinks it's the Devil.
  4. Ear Plugs - So that when the TV volume is turned up to 11 because grandma is hard of hearing, you can concentrate on something other than the current Turner Classic Movie.
  5. Prunes - Hey, when in Rome...
Jobless City Challenge - Swallow Pride, Give Up Apartment and Stay With Family

Dollars Saved - $1500/month

1 comment:

  1. Wine, a critical coping component, ask for donations ;)! How about some stories about Grandma and Grandpa, past and present? You have wonderful stories baout Grandpa's Army.