Monday, May 11, 2009

May is National Masturbation Month!

Unemployment: Day 92 in Business Days; Day 126 in Human Days

It's been 7 hours and 126 days...since they took my job away.

According to a recent article in The New York Times, the nation's unemployment rate has risen to 8.9 %.  Also according to The New York Times, being jobless is bad for your health.  Awesome.  Just when you no longer have health insurance, you develop all sorts of new ailments.  

But fear not!  May is National Masturbation Month!  For all you unemployed people out there who have a little extra time on your hands, I say put those hands to good use.   The Better Health Channel and Fox News are in agreement that masturbation can improve your health in a variety of ways.  And if you're looking for a cheap thrill, there ain't nothing cheaper than tuning the antenna or dialing the rotary phone.  I didn't make those up.

If you've got some of your severance package or tax refund left, I highly recommend an awesome cheap find from Jimmy Jane: the "Indulgences Pocket Pleasure Set".  It costs only $22 and is worth every penny, even the ones spent on shipping.  If you happen to be in L.A., you can pick up one of these little numbers at Fred Segal.  

Happy May!  Happy de-stressing!

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