Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Don't F*ck, Get a Buck!

Unemployment: Day 114 in Business Days; Day 156 in Human Days

It's been 7 hours and 156 days...since they took my job away.

If you're a teenage mother in Greensboro, N.C., the city will give you a buck each day you don't f*ck.  Actually, they give you a dollar for every day you are not pregnant.  So as long as you bang safely, you'll still get a dollar a day.  I read this today on NPR's web site.

I think that this program should be extended to any woman who is currently unemployed, teenager or not, mother or not.  I mean, if my jobless self had a kid right now, I would have to take advantage of all sorts of government programs in addition to unemployment, i.e. welfare, food stamps, etc.  Isn't it cheaper to give all us unemployed ladies a dollar a day to prevent us from becoming a larger a leech on society?

I suppose then, in all fairness, that Barack would have to give a buck to all the men choosing not to have children that they can't support.  And how would we monitor that?  Alright, this whole idea is getting way too expensive.  How about someone out there just gives me a dollar a day not to get preggers?  And also maybe offer me health insurance not to get knocked up.  Like a job.  A real job!  Where my job description simply reads: The purpose of the Not Pregnant Executive is to remain unpregnant on a daily basis.  And yes, I can make myself an Executive - this is my job fantasy.  

In all seriousness, this whole idea of paying our country's young women to do the right thing is a bit disturbing to me.  There's got to be a better way to encourage girls to make the best decisions for themselves, rather than simply paying them to do so.  Yes, it does seem to be reducing the rate of teenage pregnancies in Greenboro, which is a good thing.  But what's next?  If we teach girls that money is the reason to do the right thing, will these girls grow into women who only make good choices if there's a dollar sign attached to them?

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